Monday, January 31, 2011

Part 6: Releasing the Belief that Everyone’s Behavior Reflects Back on Us

Part 6: Releasing the Belief that Everyone’s Behavior Reflects Back on Us

Do you analyze everyone’s behavior in light of how it might reflect on your personally?

If someone doesn’t email or call you back, do you assume you have done something wrong?  Do you rack your brain trying to figure out why they might be mad at you?

If someone is quiet, do you assume they are mad at you, or that again you’ve done something wrong?

If your partner doesn’t answer the phone, or you see him or her speaking to someone of the opposite sex, does your mind immediately jump to the conclusion that there is something going on?

All of these are key examples of low self-esteem.  And they’re just a few examples of how those with dips in self-esteem can let other people’s behaviors, real or imagine, create more fear, uncertainty and doubt in ourselves about our self-worth.

Here’s the truth…unless you have knowingly done something to anger someone or insult someone, you need to assume they are busy.  If you see them you can ask if everything is ok.  If they say, yes. You need to find a way to accept their answer at face value.

Again.  Work to find the origins of this in your past.  Did you have a parent who would give you the silent treatment or ignore you if they were angry with you?  If so, then you most likely associate anyone’s similar behavior as meaning the same thing.  You need to find the origin, so you intellectually understand it.  Once you have it intellectually, you need to work to internalize it. 

Write down all the times this happens.  Write down what the final outcome is.  Had you offended someone?  Where they mad at you?  Sometimes we will hurt someone’s feelings unwittingly.  Note this as part of being human and make sure it isn’t a habit you’ve fallen into.  If it is, change it.  If not, accept that you are human and sometimes make mistakes or someone takes things the wrong way.

And remember, you are worthy.  Ask yourself these two questions:
1.       Are you responsible for everyone else’s moods and behaviors?
2.       Are other people’s responses and actions a direct reflection of your abilities or worth?


How many things can affect your mood and behavior in a given day?  Everything from how you feel physically, to the traffic, to the weather, to your finances, kids, spouse, parents…it goes on and on.

If any and all of these things can affect your mood and behavior, why do you naturally assume that someone else’s mood and behavior has only to do with you?  Because, you have an unhealthy viewpoint of how you are viewed by others.

FIND THE TRUTH…that is the goal.  Find the origin of the LIE.  Then, you can refute it.

It will take focused self-work and many times the help of someone who can help you see clearly. But you can start to make progress on your own!

Tune in for the #2 Most UseLESS Tip for Improving Self-Esteem

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen Aston
Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191.

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