The Art Of Self-Motivation

PART 1:  I want to share this story with you because it is SUCH A POWERFUL EXAMPLE of the art of self-motivation—motivation to achieve any personal goal you have set for yourself; and the critical necessity for having an important BIG WHY before you set out on any goal.  It is the combination of motivation, a determined mindset—and purpose, the emotional driver that is the key to achieving any goal you deem of value.

Back in January of this year, I participated in the Ultimate 31-Day Blog Challenge.  The challenge was to complete the writing and posting 31 blogs within the 31 days of January. Well, five days before the the final day of the challenge, January 31, I found myself just a tad behind--OK, maybe to some I was hopelessly behind. It's all in your perspective I suppose!

How could I possibly catch up at this point? And why should I try? Herein is the secret to achievement--and it's all about the power of inner motivations.

The difference between those who would be successful in completing the challenge, and those who would not, hinged on two critical elements: 1. each individual’s power of self-motivation and personal sense of accountability; 2. each individual’s “BIG WHY”—the important reason they established for wanting to compete and achieve the goal originally.

So, where was I in all this? Tired, torn, stressed! As the Challenge had begun, I started off strong, writing 8 blogs in 8 days. Wahoo! I was pumped. I patted myself on the back, boosting my confidence and self-esteem. Then…LIFE HAPPENED.

Then I missed Day 9. No big deal right? I could make that up. Then I missed a week. OK, that’s not so good. It would take some doing, but it was still fixable. Then I looked at my calendar…@#$%@!

Yes, to finish, I would have to write 23 blogs in five days.  And being a habitual over-achiever, they would need to be good, not just something slapped together. But how? I had so many other important demands to meet elsewhere. I felt pressured.

I HAD to get this done!

“Why?” my conscious mind retorted “There’s no consequence if you don’t. Take it off your list. You’ve got other important things to do. Let it go.”

“I can’t just let it go...” my inner voice replied…

TOMORROW...Part Two: The Art of Self-Motivation

Here's to your True success,

Kathleen Aston
Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

Comlimentary 4-Part Video Training Series!
http://www.kathleenastonintl.com/ultimate-confidence.html



Part 11: The Role of Perfectionism in Anxiety and Self-Esteem

Part 11: The Role of Perfectionism in Anxiety and Self-Esteem

We all know that no one is perfect.  And yet many of us will drive ourselves half-crazy trying to prove that wrong.  If one pillow is out of place on the couch, we can’t stand it. We have to fix it, so that it is picture perfect.  When it is momentarily perfect, we feel in control and good about ourselves. As soon is something shifts, we feel out of control and “less” than.

Recent studies have shown that people with perfectionist tendencies have notably higher levels of anxiety and depression. That is because they are always striving for what is impossible. They are always falling short, because the goal is never to be reached.

Because they are constantly measuring themselves against a completely unrealistic benchmark, perfectionists can never feel good about what they have done because they are consumed by what they haven’t. 

So where does this fall in the world of self-esteem.  It is my belief that it becomes an unreliable filter of if we are worthy or if we are not. It also acts as a visual validation of our success or a visual validation of our failure…mostly of our failure again as perfect can never be achieved.  But, if for a minute everything looks perfect, then we can feel good for that minute.  But it is fleeting.

Note the person who has the tiniest pimple on their chin.  A perfectionist wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything but that pimple.  They would assume that everyone they have contact with would also be unable to notice anything about them but that pimple.  It would ruin their entire day. It might seem silly to us, but to them it is as glowing as a scar etched across their forehead.  And so it becomes a source of extreme anxiety and depression. 

A perfectionist tries to control all outside influences by controlling their personal environment, work and appearances.  Sadly, somewhere they’ve been held to this standard that is unachievable.  Yet, their self-esteem depends on trying to achieve it.  But since they are always falling short of the goal, there is always a feeling of inadequacy, anxiety and depression.

Learning to be “good” with just being “good” is harder than it seems. First, a perfectionist needs to find a new benchmark by which to measure their success and performance before they can begin to shift their attachment to perfection.

Release your addition to perfection and free yourself from a world of anxiety, depression and disappointment.

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191.

Next, Part 10: How to Identify Low Self-Esteem

Next, Part 10: How to Identify Low Self-Esteem

How do you identify low self-esteem? It can be tricky and confusing. 

First, note that self-esteem and self-confidence are entirely different.  Your self-esteem is comprised of the thoughts, beliefs and opinions you have of yourself.  Self-esteem can be high, average or low.  It can be high in some areas while being low in others.  But it is a thought…so if it is negative, it can be changed.  And that is great news!

People with low self-esteem can exhibit numerous traits, but the most common are unwillingness to assume responsibilities or take on challenges, difficulty making decisions, less social conformity, lack of self-confidence, overly conscious about their outward image, prone to emotional confusion, tendencies to blame themselves or others for everything, depression, anxiety, self-depreciation, overly critical of others and more.

Whether you see yourself or someone else in these descriptors, there are things you can do to help yourself or another person.

1.       Give praise for a job well done.

2.       Take or give a compliment.

3.       Focus on doing more of what you do well.

4.       Set small challenges for yourself and accomplish them.

5.       Keep a journal and identify your thoughts and beliefs. Don’t judge them. Just note them.

6.       Focus on progress. Every morning, write down all you did well or accomplished the day before.

7.       Identify skills you would like to learn that would help you feel more confident.

8.       Do something good for yourself.

9.       Learn how to say, “no” nicely.

10.   Seek support in overcoming your low self-esteem and building your confidence in areas that need work.

These are baby steps. But they are a start to a new beginning.

Low self-esteem does not mean you are weak.  It only means you were fed a lot of lies somewhere back in time that you accepted as truth.  Most likely these were hammered home during the time in your cognitive development when what adults told you and showed you were indisputable.

But now we are grown.  We can form our own ideas of ourselves based on what we know to be true about ourselves.  Because no one knows us as well as we know ourselves.

Next, Part 11: The Role of Perfectionism in Anxiety and Self-Esteem

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191.

Part 8: Identifying Truth to Create a Positive Thought Process

Part 8: Identifying Truth to Create a Positive Thought Process

We are in the process of creating new, positive thought patterns to replace well-established negative thought patterns that keep you stuck in low self-esteem and create a world filled with anxiety, fear, uncertainty and underachievement. 

And TRUTH is the weapon you need to begin to conquer and slay the negative thoughts that are keeping you a prisoner in a life that does not fulfill you.  So, let’s go find it!

Example: Let’s say you just applied for a job, and you’re anxious and fearful that you will not get the position.  Again, note during this time what your negative thoughts are tell you and where you feel the anxiety in your body.

Maybe your inner voice sounds like this:

1.       I’m never going to get a job.

2.       I don’t think they liked me.

3.       I should have said this instead of that.

4.       Why did I say that? That was stupid.

5.       I should have worn something else.

6.       They knew I was nervous.

Now, let’s ask and answer questions.

1.       Is it true that you’re never going to get a job?

2.       Do you know for a fact that they didn’t like you?

3.       We’re you pleasant and polite?

4.       Are you qualified for the job?

5.       Were you prepared and dressed professionally?

6.       Are you certain they knew you were nervous? And if so, is that a reason for not hiring you or having you back for a second interview?

Hopefully, having gone down this list and answering these questions or ones like them, a new truth will emerge.  When it does, one can then start to create a new positive thought.  When you can create new positive thoughts, anxiety will begin to subside and you will start to feel more optimistic.

Let’s say you answered the questions above well. You are qualified. You were polite and professional, and you handled yourself well.  Here’s how you might want to construct your new thought pattern.

NEW POSITIVE THOUGHT: The TRUTH is I will get a job.  It may not be this job because I cannot control the decisions of others.  But I am pleasant and polite, professional and qualified.  So I may very well get this job.  But if not, I did a good job and as long as I keep putting myself in the right situations, I will soon get the results I need.”

Once you have found the TRUTH…write down a new positive thought.  These can now be used as affirmations that are based on a truth that you yourself uncovered and identified. 

Coming next, Part 9: Five Thinking Patterns That Can Keep You Stuck in Low Self-Esteem

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191.

Part 7: How to Create a Positive Thought Process

Part 7: How to Create a Positive Thought Process

The #2 Most UseLESS Tip for Improving Self-Esteem

2.       Think Positively—Always expect the best and it’s likely to happen.  Keeping a positive attitude and deciding what to do next is most important.

#2 Most UseFUL Tip for Improving Self-Esteem:

Use Truth to Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Ones

How many times has someone said to you, “just be positive” ?

I believe this is another useless tip for building self-esteem.  Why? Because thinking positively and optimistically, for someone who isn’t inclined or practiced in that thought pattern, is the outcome of hard self- work…not the work itself.  You don’t start there, you have to get there.

It is true that optimism is a key component of success.  But it’s not that easy as just thinking positively once and then poof, you’re thinking and believing in a positive outcome. Thinking positively and believing positively are two very different things.  It takes some time and work to imprint a new, positive thought in one’s subconscious.  It takes consciously thinking something positive over and over again until it becomes a TRUE belief.  

This isn’t always easy. Why? Because the new positive thought is trying to get traction up against a well-established negative thought pattern that is a whole lot stronger.  Remember, you’ve been carrying your existing thoughts and behaviors around with you for most of your life.  New thoughts and behaviors need to start with new beliefs.  You can start taking steps today, but real transformation takes time and practice. 

Once a new positive and healthy thought pattern takes root, it can grow to overshadow and erode the negative thoughts of the past.  When that happens, you will be glad you did the work. Earth will look like a new planet and you will feel like a new person.

 Thinking positively is only powerful when you believe positively too! And again, it always starts with the question, “What is true?”

Coming next, Part 8: Identifying Truth to Create a Positive Thought Process

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191.

Part 5: Mining for the Truth and Identifying the Lies.

Part 5: Mining for the Truth and Identifying the Lies.

We just finished talking about and exploring how you can begin building your self-esteem by determining what the truth is about your capabilities and a given situation.  This we will also refer to as challenging the accuracy of your thoughts.  In any situation in which you feel inadequate, you need to stop and take an accurate assessment of your abilities and status.

For instance, a young woman believes she is fat. She’s not just saying it for attention, she believes it. In fact, she obsesses over it. Looking at her, you note that she is not heavy. In fact she is extremely thin.  How do you help her begin to see the truth about her true weight?

Idea 1. Go online and enter her weight and height.  Show her where she falls in the medical categories.  Show her where she falls on the BMI…is she normal, underweight?  By showing her true guidelines, you may begin to help her accept her weight as ideal or identify dangers of eating disorders.

Idea 2.  Get a huge sheet of mural paper.  Have her lay down, and trace her outline. Hang it up.  Without any photo of herself, she sees a physical form.  Is it fat, thin, average?  Seeing her form separated from a personal physical reflection can be a powerful way to imprint a new, healthier image in her mind. 

Idea 3. Go back to a time when she can identify someone criticizing her body.  When was it? Who said it? What did they say?  Help her think through the person’s capabilities as a judge?  Help her think through that person’s intentions when they said the insult.

Or course someone with a serious eating disorder should be seen by a medical professional and under their care. These are just examples, and they are given as a way for you to outline and find truth about the self-esteem issues you face personally.

Now the fact of the matter is you may very well need to work on some areas.  You may have body image issues because you are indeed overweight and unhealthy.  You may feel unable to do a job because you do not have the proper skills.  Hence, you have a different type of work to do.  But, what we need to focus on is how you can acknowledge where you are right now, accept yourself right now and put a plan in place to help you feel better and better about changes you are going to make tomorrow.

Remember, not actually having the skills or having not yet overcome an obstacle does NOT mean you cannot accomplish the task…it just means that you haven’t as of today and you need a plan to do so.

Tune in shortly for Part 6: Releasing the Belief that Everyone’s Behavior Reflects Back on Us

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191.

Part 4: Using Truth to Lower the Volume on Negative Self-Talk

Part 4:

Using Truth to Lower the Volume on Negative Self-Talk

During the last two blogs, we’ve been examining how someone with low self-esteem might react if asked to prepare a report for management regarding their department’s performance.

We’re at the point where this request has consumed the individual for a week.  They feel ill, anxious and filled with trepidation.

Review:  If this was you and you had been keeping the notebook as I had requested, I’d ask you to really look at the situation and your notes.  Do you hear what your inner voice—or negative self-talk—is  is telling you? This is what you might be hearing:

1.        You can’t do it.

2.       You don’t know how to do it.

3.       Management will not think you have done a good job.

4.       Management will not like your report.

5.       You will be embarrassed.

6.       You will be humiliated.

7.       This will end badly.

Now, think back to similar situations.  Was there one or more situation in your childhood when you were asked to do something and you ended up being criticized, ridiculed and humiliated?  Somewhere there is a link.  You need to find that link. You need to associate your current response with its origin.

Once you can associate the current situation of today where you feel inadequate to the situation(s) in your childhood, you can make the intellectual link.  Once you have done that, you can identify that this current situation is NOT that past situation.  Then you need to find the TRUTH about the task at hand!

So ask yourself some questions ON PAPER and note your REAL answers.

1.       Do you believe that your department has been working hard?

2.       Do you believe that you’ve all been doing a good job and meeting expectations?

3.        Are you educated enough to write a brief report?

If the answers to these questions are “YES”, then you need to awake to the TRUTH that you have been doing a good job according to your definition and that you can show that in your report.  And, you need to awake to the truth that you are competent.

With these new truths identified in front of you, you can quell the fear and anxiety…or at least start to do so.  These actions and new behavior take time and patience.  But, they gain power and speed the more you practice them.  Like anything else, you will get better and better at identifying your negative thoughts and holding them up against the truth.  And that my friend, is when you will begin to really build your new self-esteem and personal power.

Now, hopefully with some of the anxiety, fear and uncertainty quieted you can make your presentation.  Afterwards, or after whatever situation you are confronting is complete, write down the actual outcome.  Note your wins.  Celebrate your achievements.  And make down improvements you’d like to make for next time.  Honing your personal skills and approving your abilities is a great step in improving self-esteem and building confidence.

Tune in shortly for more on building self-esteem by: Mining for the Truth and Identifying the Lies.

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191.

The Roots, Effects and Solutions to Low Self-Esteem

The Roots, Effects and Solutions to

Low Self-Esteem

Fact: Nearly 87% of the population suffers from low self-esteem in one or more areas of their life.  It could be work, it could be relationships, it could be making financial decisions, or your physical appearance.

Fact: Nearly all self-esteem issues are rooted in childhood.  This is when the fragile ego is either strengthened or broken.  What is told to us as children we assume as a fact…an indisputable truth.  Hence, if we are fed a lot of critical and negative statements as children, we internalize them as true. And then we begin to record them as our own assessment of ourselves.  It becomes an endless loop of negative self-talk that we carry on into our adulthood.  There it wreaks havoc on our life, costing us in relationships, happiness, joy and success.

In my personal quest to continually provide the best solutions and programs for my clients, I am constantly researching information.  Recently I was working on new techniques to help clients with low self-esteem. By the time I was done, I was dismayed with the huge amounts of useless information and tips.  It was all focused on, “just do this” and “just do that”.  They made it sound like it was so easy to fix this issue.  But it is not. And very few articles gave the “how to” of “just do it”.

I understood that if I found it useless, I know those looking for answers to their own low self-esteem issues probably walked away feeling hopeless.

In my quest to help women overcome dips in self-esteem and become confident, courageous and successful, I feel it a necessity to point out these useless tips and give you some very concrete actions you can take.

Tune in shortly for Part 2: TOP 3 Most UseLESS Tips on Improving Self-Esteem.

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen  

Kathleen Aston

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191

FINAL Part 6: The FOUR Foundational Pillars of TRUE Life Fulfillment

On Day 1 of this blog series, Understanding the True Beauty of Life-Fulfillment,

I redefined TRUE life fulfillment as: A state in which a human being, having developed the full potentialities of all his or her talents and abilities, is fully realized and complete.

Subsequently, I provided input on how I believe one can become “fully realized” and “complete” by focusing on four foundational pillars of ultimate life success.

The Foundational Pillars:

·         Self-Esteem

·         Self-Confidence

·         Courage

·         Core Values

Today, as we conclude this series, I want to stress the importance of building these foundational pillars and why I believe your success is dependent on them no matter what other personal and business programs you are leveraging to create your life.

As a young woman, I had zero self-esteem, self-confidence and courage. My life was empty, unfulfilling. I dreamed of the life I wanted but was unable to move forward, only sideways, just surviving.

When I stumbled upon “self-help,” it became the balm that soothed the wounds. I “consumed” everything I could get my hands on to improve any part of my life that was lacking. I worked the systems of Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Paul Meyer, Jack Canfield, Wayne Dyer and more. I learned motivation and mastered tools for goal setting and accomplishment, and I went far.

BUT, it was not until my self-esteem was healed and strengthened that my ultimate, unwavering self-confidence and courage were unleashed. At that point, I was able to create ten times the impact of the tools and techniques I already had. Their benefits had been powerful, but nowhere near as powerful as they are today.

Here’s how I see it: All the self-help, self-study and self-improvement tools, techniques and systems were awesome; they were the floors, walls, stairwells and towers of my life house. But my house was still rocky because the foundational pillars were not set and sturdy. So the house stood even though it was not really stable.

Not once did any program I leveraged work to build my inner foundations, first or in tandem. If I had been able to set the foundational pillars earlier, my life house would have had for more color and many more tapestries, finely woven carpets and shiny trinkets, all much sooner in process of building and refining.

Here’s to your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston International

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191 

How Your Core Values Drive TRUE Life Fulfillment: Part 5/6 today

Part 5: How Your Core Values Drive TRUE Life Fulfillment

On Day 1 in this blog series, I redefined the meaning of life fulfillment.

TRUE life fulfillment: A state in which a human being, having developed the full potentialities of all his or her talents and abilities, is fully realized and complete.

On Day 2, we examined the first of four building blocks to achieving TRUE life fulfillment: building block NUMBER ONE, self-esteem; on Day 3: building block NUMBER TWO, self-confidence; and on Day 4: building block NUMBER THREE, courage.

 BUILDING BLOCK #4: Core Values

Self-esteem is the thought that you can do it. Self-confidence is the muscle to take the action. And courage is an outcome of actions and the self-confidence muscles you have built.

But now, how do you wean yourself from relying on external affirmation that you are good, worthy and on the right path? How do you go from seeking outside reinforcement to relying on internal reinforcement and affirmation? Because the truth is, if you can master the art of being your own affirmer—your own measuring stick for how well you are, or are not, doing—you can always get a true and accurate assessment.

So, how do you do this? You have to follow your own inner compass that points to your core values. Oh, how simple, right? Actually, it is.

I have a written statement about MY personal beliefs and values for each area of my life. These values are the yardstick by which I measure my achievement and performance. I know by this measurement if I am on course in life or whether I have run aground. No matter what happens during the day, I evaluate myself against the standards of MY core values, not anyone else’s. If I have met those standards, then I feel good about myself, my actions and my day. If I have fallen short, I know it and I can realign to make sure that tomorrow I stay on course.

If you live your life every day to reflect the values you yourself have set and believe in, than there is no way that you can be crushed by anyone else’s thoughts, judgments, criticisms or attacks. You are safe in your own boat, and you continue to float because you know that the inherent nature and values by which you live have been met and reflected.

Wait for my next blog in one hour:

FINAL Part 6: The FOUR Foundational Pillars of TRUE Life Fulfillment

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston International

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191