The Art Of Self-Motivation

PART 1:  I want to share this story with you because it is SUCH A POWERFUL EXAMPLE of the art of self-motivation—motivation to achieve any personal goal you have set for yourself; and the critical necessity for having an important BIG WHY before you set out on any goal.  It is the combination of motivation, a determined mindset—and purpose, the emotional driver that is the key to achieving any goal you deem of value.

Back in January of this year, I participated in the Ultimate 31-Day Blog Challenge.  The challenge was to complete the writing and posting 31 blogs within the 31 days of January. Well, five days before the the final day of the challenge, January 31, I found myself just a tad behind--OK, maybe to some I was hopelessly behind. It's all in your perspective I suppose!

How could I possibly catch up at this point? And why should I try? Herein is the secret to achievement--and it's all about the power of inner motivations.

The difference between those who would be successful in completing the challenge, and those who would not, hinged on two critical elements: 1. each individual’s power of self-motivation and personal sense of accountability; 2. each individual’s “BIG WHY”—the important reason they established for wanting to compete and achieve the goal originally.

So, where was I in all this? Tired, torn, stressed! As the Challenge had begun, I started off strong, writing 8 blogs in 8 days. Wahoo! I was pumped. I patted myself on the back, boosting my confidence and self-esteem. Then…LIFE HAPPENED.

Then I missed Day 9. No big deal right? I could make that up. Then I missed a week. OK, that’s not so good. It would take some doing, but it was still fixable. Then I looked at my calendar…@#$%@!

Yes, to finish, I would have to write 23 blogs in five days.  And being a habitual over-achiever, they would need to be good, not just something slapped together. But how? I had so many other important demands to meet elsewhere. I felt pressured.

I HAD to get this done!

“Why?” my conscious mind retorted “There’s no consequence if you don’t. Take it off your list. You’ve got other important things to do. Let it go.”

“I can’t just let it go...” my inner voice replied…

TOMORROW...Part Two: The Art of Self-Motivation

Here's to your True success,

Kathleen Aston
Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

Comlimentary 4-Part Video Training Series!
http://www.kathleenastonintl.com/ultimate-confidence.html



The Price of Procrastination

The Art of Procrastination

Some people have raised procrastination to an art form.  They are so highly skilled at it, that one wonders what need the procrastination fills in the actual procrastinator.

Most often, procrastination is a tool used to put off that which  is unpleasant. But, it can also be a way to put off a task that we do not feel proficient at completing or one that might bring about a sitution that we are not looking forward too.

But sometimes, I believe procrastination can be a method of adding some chaos and excitement to the day. If  we are up against a hard deadline and the task must be completed, leaving it until the last minute can create some excitement, no?  It may not be what others call exciting, but it sure gets the adreneline pumping.

It's a fact that an addition to adreneline can cause people to seek out situations, even negative ones, to keep the excitement flowing.  Some say couples will fight just to keep things exciting, or others create choas from bad choices to keep the blood pumping.

Me? Well I work better under pressure.  It's like the waiters in a restaurant.  Haven't you noticed when a restaurant is slow the service is always poorer than when it is busy?  This never ceases to amaze me. But although I work better under pressure, I usually pre-plan to avoid the stress that goes with waiting until the last minute. 

If you're a procrastinator, it's important to understand why.  Is it poor time management? Is it avoidance? Is it to add a little bit of chaos to your day?  Whatever your answer, examine the toll it takes on your mental energy...especially on all the days leading up to the deadline.  Then look at all the energy it consumes as you try to accomplish the task under pressure. 

Then ask yourself, is it worth it?  If not, find a new way to plan or manage your time, your emotions, or the situation.  I have found if it's procrastination by avoidance, it's almost better to get it done early.  This actually reduces stress, wastes less energy, and frees you up mentally and emotionally to accomplish more of what you love to do.

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston
Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, please call 888.447.1191

Part 11: The Role of Perfectionism in Anxiety and Self-Esteem

Part 11: The Role of Perfectionism in Anxiety and Self-Esteem

We all know that no one is perfect.  And yet many of us will drive ourselves half-crazy trying to prove that wrong.  If one pillow is out of place on the couch, we can’t stand it. We have to fix it, so that it is picture perfect.  When it is momentarily perfect, we feel in control and good about ourselves. As soon is something shifts, we feel out of control and “less” than.

Recent studies have shown that people with perfectionist tendencies have notably higher levels of anxiety and depression. That is because they are always striving for what is impossible. They are always falling short, because the goal is never to be reached.

Because they are constantly measuring themselves against a completely unrealistic benchmark, perfectionists can never feel good about what they have done because they are consumed by what they haven’t. 

So where does this fall in the world of self-esteem.  It is my belief that it becomes an unreliable filter of if we are worthy or if we are not. It also acts as a visual validation of our success or a visual validation of our failure…mostly of our failure again as perfect can never be achieved.  But, if for a minute everything looks perfect, then we can feel good for that minute.  But it is fleeting.

Note the person who has the tiniest pimple on their chin.  A perfectionist wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything but that pimple.  They would assume that everyone they have contact with would also be unable to notice anything about them but that pimple.  It would ruin their entire day. It might seem silly to us, but to them it is as glowing as a scar etched across their forehead.  And so it becomes a source of extreme anxiety and depression. 

A perfectionist tries to control all outside influences by controlling their personal environment, work and appearances.  Sadly, somewhere they’ve been held to this standard that is unachievable.  Yet, their self-esteem depends on trying to achieve it.  But since they are always falling short of the goal, there is always a feeling of inadequacy, anxiety and depression.

Learning to be “good” with just being “good” is harder than it seems. First, a perfectionist needs to find a new benchmark by which to measure their success and performance before they can begin to shift their attachment to perfection.

Release your addition to perfection and free yourself from a world of anxiety, depression and disappointment.

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191.

Next, Part 10: How to Identify Low Self-Esteem

Next, Part 10: How to Identify Low Self-Esteem

How do you identify low self-esteem? It can be tricky and confusing. 

First, note that self-esteem and self-confidence are entirely different.  Your self-esteem is comprised of the thoughts, beliefs and opinions you have of yourself.  Self-esteem can be high, average or low.  It can be high in some areas while being low in others.  But it is a thought…so if it is negative, it can be changed.  And that is great news!

People with low self-esteem can exhibit numerous traits, but the most common are unwillingness to assume responsibilities or take on challenges, difficulty making decisions, less social conformity, lack of self-confidence, overly conscious about their outward image, prone to emotional confusion, tendencies to blame themselves or others for everything, depression, anxiety, self-depreciation, overly critical of others and more.

Whether you see yourself or someone else in these descriptors, there are things you can do to help yourself or another person.

1.       Give praise for a job well done.

2.       Take or give a compliment.

3.       Focus on doing more of what you do well.

4.       Set small challenges for yourself and accomplish them.

5.       Keep a journal and identify your thoughts and beliefs. Don’t judge them. Just note them.

6.       Focus on progress. Every morning, write down all you did well or accomplished the day before.

7.       Identify skills you would like to learn that would help you feel more confident.

8.       Do something good for yourself.

9.       Learn how to say, “no” nicely.

10.   Seek support in overcoming your low self-esteem and building your confidence in areas that need work.

These are baby steps. But they are a start to a new beginning.

Low self-esteem does not mean you are weak.  It only means you were fed a lot of lies somewhere back in time that you accepted as truth.  Most likely these were hammered home during the time in your cognitive development when what adults told you and showed you were indisputable.

But now we are grown.  We can form our own ideas of ourselves based on what we know to be true about ourselves.  Because no one knows us as well as we know ourselves.

Next, Part 11: The Role of Perfectionism in Anxiety and Self-Esteem

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191.

Part 9: Six Thinking Patterns That Can Keep You Stuck in Low Self-Esteem

Part 9:

6 Thought Patterns That Keep You Stuck in Low Self-Esteem

So far we’ve discussed useless two useless tips for improving low self-esteem: 1. Refuting your inner voice; 2. Think positively. 

The #3 Most UseLESS Tip for Improving Self-Esteem:

1.        Be assertive. Take Action.

#3 UseFUL Tip for Improving Self-Esteem:  How to Identify Destructive Thought Patterns

To be assertive and take action, you need to have some confidence about what you are doing.  Without self-esteem there can be no confidence.  And many times, you can feel absolutely paralyzed about making any decision for fear of making the wrong decision.  And being assertive can only gain a positive result if you feel certain about what you are asserting…which again can only come when healthy self-esteem is established.  It’s a circular mess for anyone who suffers from self-esteem issues in one or more areas of their life.

Therefore, to ask someone to be assertive and take action when they have low self-esteem in a given area, is like asking someone to jump of the boat and swim to shore when they can’t even float.

It always comes back to identifying the TRUTH and FACTS surrounding a low self-esteem situation, before that situation can be overcome and conquered.  And finding the truth can be difficult, because often we accept our current, long-standing beliefs and ideas to be factual and correct.  But many times they are just are perceptions and opinions.

Six Thought Patterns that Erode Self-Esteem

 According the research done in Cognitive Behavior Therapy at the Mayo Clinic, there are six thought patterns that can continually hurt and erode your self-esteem.

1.       All or nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad.  “If I don’t succeed at this task, I am a failure.”

2.       Mental filtering. You see only the negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a person or situation.  “There are a few dishes in the sink. Now everyone will think I’m a slob.”

3.       Converting positives to negatives. You reject positive experiences and diminish accomplishments. “I only did well on that test because it was so easy.”

4.       Jumping to negative conclusions. You jump to the most negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. “My boss hasn’t replied to my e-mail so he must be mad at me.”

5.       Mistaking feelings for facts.  You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. “I feel like a failure, so I am a failure.”

6.       Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor.  This can result for overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. 

Source: Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research.

Does any of this sound like you?  If it does, the awareness alone

will help you start to overcome the thoughts that are holding you back.

Next, Part 10: How to Identify Low Self-Esteem

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191.

Part 8: Identifying Truth to Create a Positive Thought Process

Part 8: Identifying Truth to Create a Positive Thought Process

We are in the process of creating new, positive thought patterns to replace well-established negative thought patterns that keep you stuck in low self-esteem and create a world filled with anxiety, fear, uncertainty and underachievement. 

And TRUTH is the weapon you need to begin to conquer and slay the negative thoughts that are keeping you a prisoner in a life that does not fulfill you.  So, let’s go find it!

Example: Let’s say you just applied for a job, and you’re anxious and fearful that you will not get the position.  Again, note during this time what your negative thoughts are tell you and where you feel the anxiety in your body.

Maybe your inner voice sounds like this:

1.       I’m never going to get a job.

2.       I don’t think they liked me.

3.       I should have said this instead of that.

4.       Why did I say that? That was stupid.

5.       I should have worn something else.

6.       They knew I was nervous.

Now, let’s ask and answer questions.

1.       Is it true that you’re never going to get a job?

2.       Do you know for a fact that they didn’t like you?

3.       We’re you pleasant and polite?

4.       Are you qualified for the job?

5.       Were you prepared and dressed professionally?

6.       Are you certain they knew you were nervous? And if so, is that a reason for not hiring you or having you back for a second interview?

Hopefully, having gone down this list and answering these questions or ones like them, a new truth will emerge.  When it does, one can then start to create a new positive thought.  When you can create new positive thoughts, anxiety will begin to subside and you will start to feel more optimistic.

Let’s say you answered the questions above well. You are qualified. You were polite and professional, and you handled yourself well.  Here’s how you might want to construct your new thought pattern.

NEW POSITIVE THOUGHT: The TRUTH is I will get a job.  It may not be this job because I cannot control the decisions of others.  But I am pleasant and polite, professional and qualified.  So I may very well get this job.  But if not, I did a good job and as long as I keep putting myself in the right situations, I will soon get the results I need.”

Once you have found the TRUTH…write down a new positive thought.  These can now be used as affirmations that are based on a truth that you yourself uncovered and identified. 

Coming next, Part 9: Five Thinking Patterns That Can Keep You Stuck in Low Self-Esteem

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191.

Part 7: How to Create a Positive Thought Process

Part 7: How to Create a Positive Thought Process

The #2 Most UseLESS Tip for Improving Self-Esteem

2.       Think Positively—Always expect the best and it’s likely to happen.  Keeping a positive attitude and deciding what to do next is most important.

#2 Most UseFUL Tip for Improving Self-Esteem:

Use Truth to Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Ones

How many times has someone said to you, “just be positive” ?

I believe this is another useless tip for building self-esteem.  Why? Because thinking positively and optimistically, for someone who isn’t inclined or practiced in that thought pattern, is the outcome of hard self- work…not the work itself.  You don’t start there, you have to get there.

It is true that optimism is a key component of success.  But it’s not that easy as just thinking positively once and then poof, you’re thinking and believing in a positive outcome. Thinking positively and believing positively are two very different things.  It takes some time and work to imprint a new, positive thought in one’s subconscious.  It takes consciously thinking something positive over and over again until it becomes a TRUE belief.  

This isn’t always easy. Why? Because the new positive thought is trying to get traction up against a well-established negative thought pattern that is a whole lot stronger.  Remember, you’ve been carrying your existing thoughts and behaviors around with you for most of your life.  New thoughts and behaviors need to start with new beliefs.  You can start taking steps today, but real transformation takes time and practice. 

Once a new positive and healthy thought pattern takes root, it can grow to overshadow and erode the negative thoughts of the past.  When that happens, you will be glad you did the work. Earth will look like a new planet and you will feel like a new person.

 Thinking positively is only powerful when you believe positively too! And again, it always starts with the question, “What is true?”

Coming next, Part 8: Identifying Truth to Create a Positive Thought Process

To your TRUE success!

Kathleen

Kathleen Aston

Founder & Life-Fulfillment Strategist

For more information on your complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 888.447.1191.